Moonlight
By Sam Dogra
Written with permission of the author
Something fluttered across the darkness, and my eyes flickered. In seconds I was pulled away from my hazy dreams, and I found myself staring at the shadows of the far wall. Tears blurred my vision, so I blinked hard to clear them. Through the gap in the curtains, I could see it was still night, but I had no idea what time it was.
I let out a long breath. Damn it, why’d I have to wake up now? It’d taken me ages to get to sleep tonight. Too many thoughts racing through my mind after yesterday’s little ‘talk’ with Callon. All the new information he’d come out with- things I’d been begging to know since the day I was brought here- and it had just made everything so much more confusing.
Whoever said be careful what you wish for had more wisdom than they knew.
I sighed, cutting my thoughts short. If I started musing about what Callon had said again, there’d be no hope of ever going back to sleep. I had a bad habit of running things over in my mind too much, and I’d lost plenty hours of rest already. I’d save the worrying for tomorrow.
I buried my face in my pillow, trying to get comfortable, when suddenly a sharp bolt of pain slammed against my forehead. It caught me completely off guard, and I hissed, biting my lip. Then the stinging turned into a dull pounding, and pins and needles screamed from my neck to my ears. I screwed my eyes tight and grumbled. What’d brought this on? I’d not had a headache for a couple of weeks now…
Eyes still shut, I grabbed the end of the pillow and pressed it against my temple. Only I couldn’t, as Colt’s blonde lump of a head was pinning it down. His arm was draped around me, keeping me pressed against his chest. While it was usually quite comforting, right now it was like a cage around my ribs, and I was struggling to catch my breath.
I clenched my teeth. This was all Daniel’s fault. I’d asked him for a cup of hot chocolate to help me sleep, but he must’ve put too much sweetener in it. Why he wouldn’t let me have some natural sugar for once is beyond me. It’s not like my teeth are falling out. I couldn’t even go out and buy some, as Callon had me on permanent curfew, and Daniel wanted me to ‘keep my figure’, so he wouldn’t fetch some on my behalf, either.
Argh, it’s so frustrating! Ever since I’ve had to stay with the three of them I’ve been trapped by rule after rule after rule. No going outside without an escort, no driving anywhere alone; heck, even in the cabin I couldn’t have a moment to myself. ‘For my own protection’, so Callon always claimed, but half the time I wondered if he just made these things up to annoy me.
Still, whether it was that hot chocolate or not that’d given me the headache, complaining about it doesn’t help me with the pain. And I wasn’t just going to lie here and put up with it.
I rolled onto my side, away from Colt, and breathed deeply. His musky scent filled my nostrils, and for a brief moment the pain lessened. Very quickly though it bounced back, accompanied by a furious tingling that buzzed like a hornet’s nest just above my ear.
Dear God, what had I done to deserve this?
Desperately I clamped my eyes together, trying to focus on my other senses. The soft pillow beneath my cheek, Colt’s warmth, his rhythmic breathing- I felt bad calling it snoring- my quiet heartbeat…but none of them distracted me for long enough. Maybe if I thought about something else. Like the colours of the rainbow. Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet. Or the ingredients to make berry pie. Puff pastry, butter, milk…man, all that was doing was making me hungry. Perhaps if I clocked up the number of times Mr. Evasive hadn’t given me a straight answer…though if I started counting those, I’d definitely be up all night.
All the while my head continued to pound like an African bongo drum. Clearly these methods weren’t working. I needed a different approach.
Before I could try something else, Colt’s arm tightened around my waist and he nuzzled the back of my hair. His breath sent a shiver down my spine, and my skin prickled. I curled up, putting a little space between us. I still wasn’t quite used to this set-up. Sometimes when Colt moved in the middle of the night he’d wake me, and I’d just lie there in his arms, unable to get back to sleep. But I never had the heart to tell him to leave me alone. He wouldn’t have listened anyway.
And deep down, I didn’t know if I’d even be able to fall asleep by myself anymore.
I closed my eyes and sighed. However, it was only then I noticed the buzzing in my ears had stopped. I silenced the thought quickly, not wanting to tempt fate and start it up again. Lying as still as I could, I waited, counting Colt’s breaths, but even when I got to fifty the headache didn’t come back. Thank God. It seemed I’d been spared the fireworks this time.
I relaxed back into Colt’s embrace, nestling myself between his chin and shoulder. Trust him to save the day, even when he was completely out of it. Then again that was probably a good thing, as he wouldn’t have anything to brag about in the morning. Much as I loved him, there were some things that did get on my nerves, and constantly reminding me how much I owed him was one of them. And I couldn’t quite quell that niggling doubt within that said he’d only become my friend because he needed to, and not because he wanted to…
My thoughts were broken as another headache erupted, and this one tore right across my skull. I whimpered, and grappled to free myself. By some stroke of luck Colt shuffled aside, loosening his grip slightly, and I buried my forehead in palms, pressing so hard I was sure I’d leave marks.
That was it. I’d had enough.
The headache must have heard me, as no sooner had I had the thought when another fierce bolt of pain shot right behind my eyes. I groaned and jerked my head back, smacking straight into Colt’s jaw. Ouch!
Colt grunted, then sighed heavily.
Oops.
“Whuss matter?” he mumbled, drawing me closer. His lips caressed my cheek, but I pulled back. It hurt.
“I…need to go to the bathroom,” I said. “Won’t be a minute.”
Colt murmured, and for a moment I thought he wouldn’t let me go, but then he finally lifted off his bulky arm and set me free. This was getting silly. I felt like a thief trying to crack a safe. Colt could be so possessive sometimes.
I drew back the covers, at once shrinking back from the cold. Colt’s warmth tempted me to draw the sheets over and nestle beside him…but my head was about ready to burst. Cold or not, I needed some air.
Or at least hefty dose of aspirin.
Slowly, I shuffled out of bed, and sat up. The change in orientation made me light-headed, and I gripped the sheets. The room went spinning, and I doubled over, clutching my belly. I thought I was going to be sick. Thankfully the nausea soon passed, but it left me breathing heavy, and I could feel sweat pouring into my top. Whoa- this wasn’t right at all. Was I coming down with something?
With one last glance to Colt, I got to my feet and padded towards the kitchen. I was so thirsty all of a sudden; my mouth was like sandpaper. As I escaped from the bedroom rug onto the wooden floorboards, though, I almost shrieked. It was like stepping onto an ice rink! My foot recoiled, and I stood there for a long while. But my running shoes were by the front door, and everything else was packed away in places I didn’t even know, as Colt was so fond of picking my clothes for me these days. I’d just have to brave it.
Wincing with every step, I headed for the kitchen. Once I reached the hall, a blast of freezing air hit me, and I shivered. I was only wearing my shorts and a teal top. I’d not realized how much the temperature dropped when the sun went down. But I’d never felt the night chill this bad before. Colt, my unofficial bed warmer, is probably the reason for that…anyway, I bet someone left a window open.
Abruptly the front door creaked, and I snapped my head towards it. The back of my neck went numb, and a sharp throb shot into my forehead. I almost cried out, but at the last second I clamped my lips together. I didn’t want to get the whole household on me. I leaned on the kitchen table, breathing slow and deep. My top was soaking now, and my arms trembled. Maybe I should go back to bed.
More slowly this time, I turned towards the door. To my surprise, it was ajar. Frowning, I stepped towards it. I never thought Callon would be so careless as to leave it unlocked. I was supposed to be in danger…wasn’t I?
The wind forced the door open further, and a pool of moonlight spilled onto my toes. The icy breeze sank into my hair, soothing the pounding in my head. The scent of the pines, too, calmed me, and lured me out to the porch.
It was a clear night; no wonder it was freezing out. A beautiful full moon hung in the velvet sky, making the dew on the truck and Jeep sparkle. I closed my eyes, wrapping my arms tight around myself. Already the pain was dying down. But soon my teeth started to chatter. I couldn’t stay out here like this.
Reluctantly, I turned to head back inside, when a flicker of movement caught my eye. I glanced back to the driveway. Soon after came the crunch of gravel, and I peered through the shadows. My heart was a little on edge, but I swallowed back my fear. It was probably just a stray animal.
I stepped back inside before my imagination ran away with me. I didn’t need to give myself nightmares. But the moment I was back in the warmth, the tempo of the headache flared up again. I grimaced. It seemed the cold was the only thing that numbed it. But if I stood outside as I was, I’d turn into a popsicle.
Hmm. I glanced around. My jacket was still hanging off the back of the dining chair, and my running shoes were by the door. If I wrapped up a bit, I’d be able to stay outside longer. So I slid on my shoes and jacket, zipped myself up tight, and returned to the porch.
This time, there was something in the middle of the driveway. And it was no animal. Well…
Callon was moon-gazing, his right fist pressed against his chest. If Colt was blessed by the sun with his blonde locks and tanned skin, then Callon was definitely the moon’s favourite. The gentle light softened his harsh jaw line and made his brown hair shimmer. On the ground, a long shadow followed his tall frame, cutting across the driveway like a cloak of darkness.
Mesmerized, I unconsciously stepped forward, and my foot scraped the dirt. Callon started and turned round. Our eyes met, and for a brief moment I felt I was looking at someone else. His gaze was filled with sadness; something I’d never seen in him before.
Before I could dwell on it, the moment passed. His cold mask slid back into place, and he returned to his perpetual frown.
“It’s past your bedtime,” he said, lowering his arm to his side. He still held his fist tightly clenched.
“Couldn’t sleep,” I answered, though I soon had to stifle a long yawn. The movement brought on another bout of pain, and I winced.
“Couldn’t, or wouldn’t?” Callon asked, stepping back towards the cabin. He stood less than an arm’s length away, scanning me from top to toe. “Another headache?”
I bristled. How the hell did he do that? It was like there was a transmitter in my brain broadcasting my thoughts to the public.
“N-No,” I managed to say, looking away. “Just wanted some fresh air.”
Callon reached out and put a finger against my scalp. I flinched, but he kept his hand firm.
“You’re a terrible liar.” He ran his fingertips over a strand of my hair.
“Stop that, it hurts!”
Callon snapped his hand back to his side.
“…I’m sorry.”
I looked up again. That sadness was back, but this time, it was directed at me. I stared into his hazel eyes, wishing I could do something to take that pained look away. He parted his lips, as if to speak, but no words came out. He wanted to tell me something, yet he was holding back for some reason. Barely realizing it, my left hand reached up and touched his cheek.
The spell broke. Callon shut his eyes and pulled away. My hand lingered in the air, before I cradled it to my chest. I really shouldn’t have expected anything more.
So why did I feel so disappointed?
“Go to bed.” Callon turned his back on me and watched the moon again.
“Why are you still up?” I asked. “Something on your mind?”
“It’s none of your business.”
I folded my arms.
“Well, excuse me for caring.” My tone was dry. “I forgot there’s nothing inside your heart except a glacier that’s yet to be introduced to the concept of global warming.”
“Ha, ha.” Callon huffed. He shifted a little to face me. “I appreciate your concern, Cheyenne, but there’s nothing you can do for me.” He put his fist in his pocket. “So don’t waste your time worrying.”
I frowned. Mr. Evasive was living up to his nickname.
“Fine.” I shrugged and made a step back to the cabin. I was too tired to deal with his games. Let him do whatever he wanted. At least my headache had settled down a bit.
But as I crossed the cabin threshold, the world suddenly went haywire. My eyes blurred, and my stomach clenched. I staggered into the door, bowled over with nausea.
“Cheyenne!”
I couldn’t see, but I heard the crackle of boots on gravel. A warm hand gripped my shoulders, keeping me upright.
“Are you alright?” Callon’s breath tickled my ear. I tried to speak, but the words wouldn’t come. Instead I cried out. My head was brimming with pain, every pulse hurting more than the last. Even the moon was too bright, and I had to guard my eyes. Oh God, the pressure! My skull was going to explode!
Tears started to spill down my cheeks, and I grabbed at my head. My nails dug deep, drawing blood, but that little pinprick was nothing compared to the ravaging tempest in my head.
“Make it stop!” I begged.
Callon pulled me away from the door and hoisted me against him, protecting me from the light.
“Cheyenne, listen to me,” he instructed, rubbing my back. “Breathe slowly. Don’t fight the pain, let it wash over you. Stop trying to master it. You can’t.”
Was he insane? I drew on the last of my strength, fighting back with everything I could muster, but I wasn’t going to last long. The tears kept coming, freezing on my cheeks.
I leaned into his chest, his arms wrapped tight around me. My heart was hammering away like a crazy rock drummer, and I found it hard to stay on my feet. I was sure I was going to pass out. But Callon’s grip was secure. He held me against him, one hand on the back of my head, the other snug about my waist.
“Stay calm,” he murmured. “I’ll make it stop hurting, I promise.”
I simply nodded in answer, too sick to speak. He began to stroke my hair. I jerked back; it was still sore.
“It’ll feel worse before it gets better,” Callon whispered. “Please, trust me.”
I didn’t want to, but with my legs turned to jelly, there wasn’t any alternative. I could do nothing else but screw my eyes tight, trying to fight the urge to throw up. Everything was starting to go black. My grip around Callon loosened, and my arms went limp. Still he managed to prop me upright, never letting up on his touches. His fingers massaged the back of my head, then crept forwards, over my ear, my temple, and finally the centre of my forehead.
At long last, the pain started to ease off. The blurred spots in my vision faded, and the tingling and numbness receded. The tension ebbed from my muscles, and the sickness vanished. After several minutes, my strength returned, and I held onto him, shivering.
Callon stopped stroking me. I nuzzled his chest; I didn’t want him to stop.
“Better?”
I nodded.
“What did you do?” Whatever it was, I wanted more of it.
Callon didn’t answer. He gripped my shoulders and made me look up at him. I kept my focus on his chin. If I looked into his eyes now, I didn’t know if I’d be able to control myself.
Or if Colt would forgive me.
“You don’t look so pale now,” he commented. “Sorry you had to go through that.”
“Why are you apologizing?” I mumbled, staring at his shirt collar. “It’s not your fault I get the headaches.”
Callon sighed, and looked at his feet.
“I meant for what I said before.”
“Huh?”
Callon traced a finger over my cheek. My heart skipped a beat, and the hair on the back of my neck stood on end.
“There’s so much I want to tell you,” he whispered. “So much you deserve to know.”
I can hardly concentrate on his words.
“Like what?” I managed to breathe. God, I’m so close to him…and I don’t know if I dislike it all that much.
“I can’t say yet. But I will, someday.”
Frustration bubbled through my veins, and I tensed. Way to ruin the mood, Mr. Evasive.
“You always say that.” I removed my arms from him and stepped back, but he didn’t let go of me. “You can’t tease me like this, Callon. Either tell me what I need to know or stop bringing it up.” My eyes flared. “I’m tired of your constant excuses.”
Callon squeezed my shoulders, and drew me back to him. I resisted, but he was stronger, and I ended up back on his chest again.
“You’ve suffered so much loss already,” he said. “I don’t want to make things worse when you’re not ready for it.” He rested his cheek against my forehead. “Your heart’s so fragile, like glass. I don’t want to see it broken any further.”
My brows narrowed.
“Well, if that’s what you really think,” I hissed, “then you’d better not tread too close, else you might cut yourself on the shards.”
Callon blinked. His grip loosened. I turned back to him, and instantly regretted my words. His face clouded, and the mask slid back. He took his arms off me and stepped away. I bit my lip.
Why couldn’t I keep my mouth shut?
“Callon, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…”
He wasn’t listening. He wandered back to the driveway, looking back to the moon.
“Callon! Please, I wasn’t…”
“Go back to bed, Cheyenne. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Callon…”
“Good night.”
His tone was final. I sighed; there was no point in arguing, he wouldn’t talk to me, not now. My gaze lingered as he continued to stare at the sky, before I turned away and retreated inside.
I discarded my jacket and shoes, then stumbled across to the bathroom. I doused my face with cold water, trying to wash away the terrible guilt. Callon took away my headache, and all I gave in return was that stupid comment. As much as he got on my nerves, I couldn’t deny that tonight, he’d helped me out. I shook my head. Why had I said such a thing, anyway? I really wish I didn’t get these sudden impulsive outbursts…
By the time I returned to the bedroom, Colt was standing in the doorway, arms folded. His hair was sticking up from where he’d been lying down.
“That was a long toilet break,” he said.
I shrugged, but something in his eyes told me he knew exactly where I’d been. I didn’t like that. I didn’t have much time to think on it, though, as all I could think about right now was closing my eyes. I was exhausted.
“Had a headache,” I said. Well, it wasn’t a lie. “But I’m okay now.”
Colt seemed satisfied with that explanation, and escorted me back to bed. I climbed under the covers and closed my eyes, letting him resume ‘guard duty’. I nestled against him as close as I could, wrapping my fingers in his shirt.
But the memory of Callon’s touch wouldn’t leave me, and as I drifted to sleep, I thought I could feel his hazel eyes watching me.
With the same sadness I’d seen him watch the moon…